3 Tips on Dating with Incontinence

Finding Love with Leakage

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Living with incontinence is a lifestyle most people don’t understand. Dating is also a concept most people don’t understand. Combine the two and it can be pretty confusing. Many incontinent people find it hard to get out in the dating world because of the stigma surrounding incontinence. The emotional toll of a life with leakage may prevent you from even stepping into the dating world. It may seem hard to connect with someone who does not share your condition, but I assure you, dating with incontinence is possible. You just have to be yourself! And unless you’re a total bonehead, these tips will help you succeed in dating with incontinence.

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1. Suggest and Activity

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If you don’t want to plan your date around an incontinence-friendly dinner, suggest an activity. It’s common to go out for drinks or coffee on a first date, but alcohol and caffeine are diuretics. These drinks could increase your incontinence symptoms. You may also feel uncomfortable leaving the table for frequent restroom visits.

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Suggesting an activity (in close proximity to a bathroom) is a great option for dating with incontinence. Something like mini golf or a cooking class would be perfect! Together you’ll learn new things (thus avoiding awkward silences) and have a great time. And when you have to take a bathroom break you’re date won’t look into it too much. They’ll be surrounded by the stimulating activity, and your absence will not be as noticeable.

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• Dating can also be a great opportunity to practice pelvic floor training. You can time your bathroom visits bathroom between holes (reference to mini golf suggestion), and perform kegels during your backswing. Fight incontinence and find love!

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2. Be Casual about your Condition

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You may have scared off past dates after telling them about your incontinence. They may not have known what incontinence really is. Or they may have feared they are signing up for sharing your struggles. Or maybe they just didn’t like you (Just kidding, you’re all gorgeous creatures!). While you may have been rejected, remember that everyone has to kiss a few frogs.

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You should definitely tell the person you’re dating you have incontinence, but do it on your own time. You don’t want to catch them off guard, because that would be unfair. They may feel betrayed, or scared, and you don’t want to make your sweetheart feel that way!

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While you should mention your incontinence, do not make it a main topic of conversation. If the subject comes up (via your frequent bathroom visits, or reveal of your adult diapers), keep it casual. Don’t make a big deal about it. Mention your condition, brush it off, and move on. Why? This demonstrates that incontinence does not control your life. Incontinence does not define you, so why keep talking about it? You take care of yourself and live a happy and active lifestyle.

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(I must stress again, only talk about your incontinence when you are comfortable. Your condition needs to be addressed, but address it on your own time. If your date brings it up, oh well! Go with the flow. Be your beautiful self.)

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Dating with incontinence can be tough, but as long as you relax, your date will be relaxed. Mimicking each other is one of the top signs that you’re having a great date! So don’t feel like you need to bring up your incontinence right away. And when it does come up, be casual about it. (P.S. Staying relaxed alleviates incontinence symptoms! Your body is less stressed and you gain more control.)

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3. Be Prepared

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This is a two step tip: Prepare Incontinence Supplies, and Prepare your Outfit

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Prepare Incontinence Supplies

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Just because you’re on a date, that doesn’t mean your incontinence is taking a few hours off. Dating with incontinence means bringing your necessary supplies with you. If you have heavy incontinence, bring a couple extra pairs of absorbent briefs. Bring skin-sensitive disposable wipes, disinfectant spray and protective moisturizing cream for a quick clean up, so you can get right back to your date (and maintain your hygiene at the same time, to avoid infection). If you have light incontinence, slip a couple extra pads or liner guards in your pocket/purse.

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Do not skip this tip. You may avoid bringing or wearing your incontinence supplies on a date, for fear they may discover your condition. But having an accident on your date is much worse than discovery. You may feel embarrassed and or your date will see that you cannot take care of yourself. Being prepared shows that you love yourself enough to take care of your body, which expresses confidence. Confidence is very attractive.

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Prepare your Look

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As mentioned above, confidence is attractive. Because many people have low self-esteem, they will be intrigued by your confident energy. They will want to learn more about you, and hope to emulate your energy.

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When you’re self-confident, you have a healthy relationship with your appearance. You improve the things you can, put your best foot forward, and strive to be healthy and well-groomed. And then you accept yourself as you are. You understand appearance does not define you or reflect your ability to be successful. Confident people have enough self-respect to stay fit and eat healthy foods because they know their bodies deserve to be cared for properly.

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You might think, “Well I am healthy. But how am I supposed to look attractive when wearing adult briefs?”

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Because fashion is so diverse, you can find many different outfits to flatter your body. Wearing adult briefs just means you have to get more creative with your style. With a quick amount of research, I already found 5 different ways women can stay fashionable with incontinence, and 6 different ways men can! (Check out both articles, because some tips apply to both genders.) Also, there are countless cool and discreet bags you can use to carry your incontinence supplies (Google “tote bags” or “book bags”). So prepare for your date by putting in the effort to look good. You’ll feel better and they will feel better about you.

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Even if you are not confident, your appearance will prove otherwise. At an official Ted Talk Conference, Psychologist Amy Cuddy said, “Fake it til you make it, and eventually you will become it!” Take this advice and knock your date’s socks off.

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Dating with Incontinence may feel scary, but you can’t let leakage control your life. No matter how many hesitant steps you take you’re still moving forward. Eventually you’ll dive into the dating pool and swim around with all the other nervous, awkward, and excited singles.

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You deserve to be happy because you are amazing! I don’t even know you, and I know you’re amazing! So give people the opportunity to meet you, and you might meet someone worth your while.